I am Chosen

This post was inspired by a beautiful conversation that I had with my dear friend Ronda this afternoon. You can read more about Ronda on her blog by clicking here. Ronda has been a friend of mine for nearly five years now. Neither of us fully knew all that the Lord had in store for our friendship/sisterhood when we first met (our "divine appointment"). We have so many things in common, including our journeys to have children.

I was reminded in our conversation this afternoon that I am Chosen. Not only am I just plain Chosen, I am BLESSED to be Chosen. God ordained for me to be in this exact spot today, even with all of its unfortunate and painful circumstances. He allowed this trial to happen. He knew before I ever took that first shot in January that this would be the end. One could think that this is all very cruel of Him. And believe me I have asked Him "Why?" several times over the past 24 hours. I do not understand why it is not His will to bless us with a pregnancy at this time, but what I do know is this - even with my tear-stained face and my grief-laden heart I can tell you that this was all worth it.

Why?
1) God has been glorified! He called me to speak up. He encouraged me to share this story, His story. I have great peace in knowing that He has and will continue to use our story. It did not wrap up in the end with a big bow, but it did conclude with His beautiful fingerprints all over it. God has revealed Himself to me (and hopefully to a number of you as well) through this journey. Don't get me wrong, I am deeply hurting and grieving right now. But I am finding so much comfort in knowing that my pain is not in vain. It is for a greater purpose.

2) I am a mom! I may not have a baby growing in my womb as I type, but I count it a privilege to be the mother of 8 beautiful embryo babies. I look forward to the day when Colin and I will meet our sweet embryo babies in Heaven. I trust that Heaven's lullabies are surrounding them now.

3) I have witnessed the power and the beauty of the Body of Christ. My sweet friend Kelli left me a voice mail last night with an amazing quote from her pastor. He says, "When we are in real authentic community, our joys are multiplied and our burdens are divided." Each one of your kind words, e-mails, comments, and phone calls have shown me that you are choosing to carry this with me. You are willingly picking up this pain, this burden, and dividing it amongst yourselves so that it does not reside solely on Colin and me. Thank you for opening your hearts to this. It is a tremendous blessing to us.

4) I am falling more in love with my Mr. Wonderful through this. He is so gentle and loving with me. He is such an amazing vehicle by which God is revealing Himself to me and comforting me. I love this man so dearly.

These are just the lessons so far. It's only been a little over 24 hours since the heartbreak. We are still grieving; there are still many tears. We know that the story doesn't end today. The dream of having children is not dead today either. By the grace of God we will get through this, and He will provide.

We can't adequately express our appreciation for your continued love, support and prayers.