It's hard to believe that a whole year has passed since last June 5th. The day I found out that our three precious babies had no heartbeats. The day my heart broke as well.
I'm not sure how many readers I still have on this blog considering how terrible I am at maintaining this thing. To be 100% honest my blog really intimidates me these days. My life right now is naturally busy with Nate. So therefore most of my blog posts would be all about Nate's antic, our adventures, etc.
I know there are some of you out there who's struggle to parenthood continues. Your hurt is ever-present. And my fear with this becoming a baby blog is that you all would feel as though I have forgotten. And I haven't. My emotions are still very raw. For example, I was at an Astros game last night with Mr. Wonderful for a work event and the talk amongst me and a couple other women turned to pregnancy. And my heart ached. Mr. Wonderful and I have moved onto the "young families" class at our church, and to be honest, even though I have fully embraced being a mom, I am struggling to feel like I fit into the group.
I cried all the way to work today. The losses of our past are still very real to me. And they sting. Our Faithful Father was so gracious to me this morning. As tears streamed down my face, this song came on the radio.
I know that I've shared this one with you recently. But today it moved me from tears to sobs.
"Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hold on."
Oh, how I can relate to those lyrics. They bring me right back to June 5, 2008. I had given everything. I had little hope left. I wanted to throw in the towel. And I'm not really sure I had the strength to hold on. But God held onto me. And somehow I survived.
Now one year later - June 5, 2009 - my bruised heart has hope again. I have found joy and am humbled by God's faithfulness. I am completely in love with a 14 lbs little boy. And God has turned my mourning into dancing.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12
I am praying for all of you whose hearts are sick. And I continue to believe that He will fulfill your longing.
He is faithful.
Everyday of the year.
All 365 of them.
Even today.
5 comments:
Thinking of you today and praying that the Lord continues to touch you in many ways, like He did with the song this morning.
I completely understand the feeling of still not fitting in...but the neat thing is that you do fit in perfectly with Mr. Wonderful & especially Nate and most importantly, with our Heavenly Father.
So thankful for the gift of Nate to your lives, so that you can see in full force the love the Lord has for you, especially today.
Hugs! Courtney
Beautifully stated with a great song. Thanks for sharing God's faithfulness in your lives in the midst of hurt. That's the kind of faith that honors our Father.
We'll be remembering with you.
p.s. Happy Anniversary! I wore my red bridesmaids jewelry yesterday and thought you and that wonderful day.
My sweet friend, my heart hurts for your loss today.
I love each of those sweet angel babies and they will never, ever be forgotten. No matter how many children the Lord chooses to bless you with- those children will never be replaced.
Tonight, I am praying that you feel surrounded by His love and presence.
I love you, friend.
Enjoy your weekend with your man! Happy Anniversary!
I still check your blog everyday! I know the pain of a year ago is still very real but I am so glad you have precious Nate to cling to at the end of the day. I get sneak peaks from Tia Jenni ocassionally!
oh Erica, my heart hurts with you today and celebrates with you at the same time. This post is beautiful and I know your words and your heart are offering hope to others. I love you and I am praying for you and your precious family.
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